Finding a Real Guru

(Photo of me with Mother Meera during her visit here.)

I recently met with a Yogi friend who told me that he trusts in the practice of Yoga to give him everything he needs to grow spiritually.

On the same day, I went to see a visiting swami who was in town for a day. It was the usual scene as whenever an Indian saint comes to town. The rented church. The smell of the wood pews. The collection box. And the bad bhajans.

(This time, a guy dressed in white with a blissy smile danced in the aisles. It was good to see him in this mode. The last time I'd seen him was at another saint event when he'd apportioned off part of the hall with his meditation gear, making a big drama of being silent and bolt upright in his asana.)

And as I myself sat in the painfully straight pew, I wondered whether it's best to put your faith in your practice or in a very beautiful and handsome sweet-voiced swami in a robe.

On the one hand, practice has to be self-authentic to gain any result -- and this is noble. You eventually realize that there are certain states you'll never achieve by yourself until you surrender. (Like you'll never sit in full lotus until you relax your hips.)

On the other hand, it's really easy to get stuck in yourself. You need the contrast of another person who practices the same things you do, but in a different way. In this regard, a Guru is helpful. She should be everything you want, but haven't realized yet in yourself.

But how to find a real Guru?

Believe me, I've searched. (And not just in a superficial way by any means!) I'm still searching -- and that longing for perfection in another human being causes me to contantly invoke those qualities in myself.

The Guru should be honest -- so I should be honest.
The Guru should not cheat others -- so I don't cheat others.
The Guru should embody true knowledge -- so I embody true knowledge.

When I go to see these visiting saints, I look to see those qualities. I think when finding a real Guru, you have to possess discrimination. You should test the Guru and hold him to standards.

After a half century of swamis, yogis, and gurus coming to the West, I think now we can ask the real questions. Are you gay or straight and not just pretending to be celibate to avoid being who you really are? Are you clean with money? Why do you want disciples/devotees? What daily discipline do you follow? What is your education and experience? What is your tradition and where do you see yourself in it?

I never used to ask these questions, thinking they weren't respectful. I should after all, be able to "feel" who can teach me something and who can't.

The feeling of someone -- something you can't know through the intellect -- is vital in cultivating the guru/disciple bond. For me, I look for how much silence the saint radiates. The deeper the silence, the more profound the connection.

I've found silence to be the fuel that motors my practice. I'm a silence junkie. So I look for someone who is more silent than me to inspire me toward my chosen ideal.

But then if the Guru is to be silent -- I have to be silent myself. Which puts me back to practice and my own self-discovery.

So I've concluded that it really is true that the Guru is inside of you. But a lot of people will just say this as an excuse to not really investigate if this is true. They are scared to surrender to a Guru and lose their power. So they say this.

And because it's true, you really can't argue with it. But in my opinion, truth can only be validated by experience.